I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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