he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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