Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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