so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
