sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
