Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
