I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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