I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
false alarm, still single
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
