worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
