What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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