Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
