I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my poor anus
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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