we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
