I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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