he puts the penis in happiness.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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