i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
