so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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