That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
