I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
