What a fucking waste of an outfit
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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