Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
