is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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