apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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