I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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