So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
