plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
