i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
