Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
