12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
