fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How external is "for external use only"?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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