hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
