why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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