Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
