Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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