one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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