I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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