ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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