Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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