awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
