I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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