i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
