Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
