Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
