i was rollin on her like bob the builder
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
