boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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