a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize