i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
