You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
