I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They took my balls.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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