Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
