You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
