Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize