Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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