there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
