i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
