I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
