and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm always down for nudity.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
