Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
