# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
