I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
