you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
