I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
