I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Drake has all the answers
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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