I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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