I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
