Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
