I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
