The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
